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Yesterday i watched a snippet of some local talk show where they were talking about asking someone who you are about to get intimate with to get tested for HIV/AIDS. The relationship expert featured on the show talked about how women are more open to talk about their sexual history, but men are usually not as open because if they were to disclose at the beginning of the relationship that for example they were married, it would be an immediate deal breaker. He also went on to add that if you asked the man to get tested he would most probably hit the road!
Everyone knows that HIV/AIDS exist, but people do not seem to understand just how real it is unless someone who is close to them has the disease.
Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that if a person is one step away from each person they know and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people they know, then everyone is at most six steps away from any other person on Earth. (Wikipedia)
This experiment was suggested to prove that the population of the earth is closer together now than they have ever been before according to Karinthy who is considered to be the originator of this notion.
We see it every day as we interact with different people, how we all somehow end up knowing the same people one way or the other. Let's face it people, the world is shrinking, its becoming even smaller than a ball gum.
Have you seen the spare wheel print ad in the local dailys which is being used for the ' epuka mpango wa kando' or whatever its called, which shows the different ways that people are linked to each other? it really got me thinking.
How many times will you realise you and like three of your friends made out with the same guy or even worse slept with him?
or how many guys will hi five each other because they got some or they tapped the same chick?
Then what if you discover that someone who is connected to you in your human web gets infected with HIV/AIDS?? can you imagine the way it will spread through the web?? or even worse, make its way back to you?
I really do not know how i started thinking about it this way but I am now actually very scared!
My friend and I have always talked about going to VCT to get tested, maybe we should actually go through with it.
I was also wondering, so like when you have met that perfect someone, and you wanna become intimate, how do you go about asking the person to go get tested, without it coming off like you do not trust them? How do you broach the topic while making them understand that it's not them you do not trust, but their past sexual partners??
Damn, i miss being a young innocent child whose biggest worry was whether i would get to eat icecream after church :(

xxx V xxx

Deal makers and deal breakers!!!

What is the first thing that catches your eye about a member of the opposite sex??
I'll speak for myself, one of the first things i notice about a guy is his face. Lets face it, in Kenya there is a shortage of gorgeous men so women's standards have been forcefully reduced! Anyway what i look for in a face, good skin, nyummy lips, average sized nose, great hair. I am obsessed with hair, so if you have long hair i will be so smitten. I also like clean shaven heads, it looks nice and neat. Eyes are something i do not particularly look out for because majority of all the black people have the same brown eyes except some lucky few.
I also look at the attire. There are some men who are so well dressed it's insane. What catches my attention in particularly are suits, preppy dressed boys, or even simply a nice shirt wit pants, or a cool tshirt with a waist coat. There is just something about a man in a tie, it is very hot, but only when I am out, in the office there's nothing jazzing about it at all!
I think i am one of those women who really do not pay attention to a man's shoes. I only notice them if they are exceptionally hot or like really really bad!
There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance!!! No matter how injured you look, if you can dance then you have definitely caught my attention.
Of course if the man smells good thats a definate plus, there is no bigger turn off than body odour :( or sweat, I really do not want to be wiping my hands every time i touch your hands.
A man who walks up to me and speaks to me definitely arouses my interest. Nowadays it seems like men are just waiting for women to come and hit on them (watangoja!!!).
The voice definitely counts, if you step up to me with a girly shrieky voice i defintiely will never take you seriously. But if you have a deep sultry baritone, I will definitely be hooked. The way you talk is also important. I will not give you the time of day if you sound like some funny dodgy ob, or if you shrub, I know i may seem stuck up or whatever but those things are important. I think it is important that i can at least have a conversation with you without bursting out laughing because you have shrubbed, or having to ask what that sheng word means.
No woman is attracted to a shamelessly drunk guy, so if you know your one of them get your act together.
A man who will protect you from trouble will win a girls heart, not the dude instigating the fight for no reason, be man enough to walk away.
Gentlemen always turn heads. It is so nice to find a man who will pull up your chair, open your door.. okay to be honest sometimes i find it weird but i still feel like i am being pampered.
Height only becomes an issue if the man is shorter than me, I do not wanna look down on you. There is something hot about having to tiptoe to give a guy a hug or a kiss.
Of course a man's body is very essential. Many women have different tastes, and luckily there is a lot of variety in that department.
Lucky for men, women are not as biased when it comes to body type. You will find a gorgeous woman dating the most ridiculous looking guy ever!
Anyway you will be surprised by the little things that can turn people off. Different people have different pet peeves.

xxx V xxx

Walking on sunshine...

Are you happy??
My ex used to like asking me that question, and at the time, i honestly was not sure i was because i never really new what the definition of happiness was.
Today if u ask me the same question, i will definitely answer it without any hesitation, i am very happy!!
what would you define as happiness?
In today's world, it seems like the ultimate definition of happiness, is having a partner. Married people and people in relationships are viewed to be very happy and living a blissful life while single people are viewed as being lonely, sad and alone.
A good friend of mine really used to like taunting me about how i was single, and lonely and i would die alone blah blah blah, i basically used to ignore him and i never really took it to heart.
Enough single people keep getting pressure from all corners to find a partner because their biological clock was ticking, or so that they would stop always being the third wheel during get togethers and what not.
Society has made being single seem like such a sad phenomenon when it really is not.
I remember for the longest time i really wanted to be in a relationship, so when the first opportunity presented itself, i literally jumped into it, without thinking clearly about it. 'Let's do this' were the words i literally used lol.
When I compare my life now, and back when i was in a relationship, I can honestly say I am way happier now. There were some great times, but there were also some really really low times. They were so low that i barely remember the good times. Maybe it's because I was with the wrong person, i dunno. Anyway I wont use this as a platform to discuss my one failed relationship.
I am happy because God has been so good to me, even though i may not necessarily deserve it. I am of relatively good health even though i do not take care of myself as much as i should. I have an awesome loving family who are always there for me and they make my world go round. My friends are just amazing, and so much fun. All the important people in my life have played a role in making me who i am today. I am definitely a better person because of them.
Though i do not have a man in my life, these people have made my life extremely fulfilling, and i know i have nothing missing in my life.
ok who am i kidding, i miss that excitement that comes with meeting someone knew and getting to know them, but in my current circumstances, the excitement has just turned into anxiety and confusion, anyway that's a story for another day.

'alone people do not like hearing about together people. It's mean. It's like carrying a 6 pack to an AA meeting' (Caliope-Greys anatomy)

Married people and those in relationships really like rubbing it in single peoples faces be it on purpose or without knowing it. This for sure is one of the reasons that depress single people about being alone.

Anyway I am happy and being single really has nothing to do with it. I really do not want my life being defined by having a man. If i do get a man, so be it, but my happiness will be determined by my life's circumstances and not the fact that I am dating.

xxxx V xxxx

A quagmire in the making....

Its just hit me that the last tym I was out on a date was in the year 2007!!!! Damn!! Its been a while!! I’m going on one today, and I’m so not prepared. I feel like shit and look like shit too!! But I’m gonna do this regardless.

I hate dates coz I am always a bundle of nerves. In fact I am like the cheapest date ever coz my stomach is usually in knots so I am never able to eat anything. I also hate the part when the paycheck has to be handled. I always feel like I have to chip in, coz I feel guilty if the guy takes care of it. I am just weird like that..

I am excited about it though, but I am trying to reduce so that I do not end up getting disappointed. I am hoping there will not be any weird moments of silence lol.

But I think that will not happen because there were none when I first met the guy. And there’s also the idea of having unexpected embarrassing moments like I accidentally shower on him or anything absurd like that.

Anyway fifteen more minutes and I have to go. The only way I can spruce up how I look is lip gloss ha ha ha how sad is that?!!

I had planned on posting this yesterday, but it brought me many sql errors and what not.

So the date went great! I was not nervous at all which makes me think I have really grown despite the lack of practice. We met at a coffee shop and had our coffee fix accompanied by some great conversation. I am glad to announce that there were no embarrassing moments or weird awkward moments so I had a great time. I did not even feel a thing when he paid the bill (maybe I should be a bit worried about that lol).

I am a very inquisitive person, so I tend to bombard people with questions especially when I am getting to know them or I’m nervous and have no idea what to say. I am starting to think I am some kind of truth serum for men coz I get to learn so much about them when we first meet. I find that very cool because it shows they feel they can be free with me.

Right now I have met two really awesome guys who I both like so far. They are both very interesting, sweet, and hot which is very strange because these things usually do not happen to me so I have no idea what’s going on but I am totally stoked about it.

I am still in the process of getting to know them both, but I am hoping things do not get complicated because I absolutely hate drama and I avoid it any chance I get. Right now I think I’ll just take things one step at a time and try not to get ahead of myself. But why lie I really like having options, and I have never felt more beautiful due to the nice things they always say.

Facebook Vs Twitter

It has just dawned on me that i do not remember when i joined facebook, i think it was maybe around 2006, thats when i finally clicked on the invitations to join.
Having been a very active hi5 user, i was a bit sceptical about it, but as i continued using it, i loved it, and hence the start of a very terrible addiction.
I deleted all my other social networking accounts like myspace, tagged, including hi5, and ever since i have never turned back.
I remember the first time i had about writing on someones 'wall' i imagined it was kinda like mspaint or something where u can draw and write stuff for people lol yeah i have a vivid imagination (like when i first heard about brain washing the first image that sprung up in my mind was someone's head being covered with a cloth and washing powder being poured over them lol)
Anyway i loved facebook at that time, the applications were really cool, wish i could remember their names though. but there was this particular one where you could edit peoples pictures and add mustaches, and bunny ears, or glitters and stars, that was cool.
i remember when fun wall was first introduced, it was a polite application which let u send cool stuff, then all of a sudden it became the new platform to send forwards for people on facebook. some of the things people sent on fun walls was soo crude dayum!!! i actually just removed that application from my profile coz it was soo irritating! thats something i definitely do not miss.
Facebook forever keeps changing and not necessarily for the better. The onslaught of mobile facebook in my opinion was to our detriment, its just feeding this terrible addiction lol
Then there was twitter...
Some of my facebook friends used to comment about twitter on their statuses, and i got a few invitations so early this year i decided to join it.
i did some research and discovered you could get sms alerts about twits and wat not and i thought 'awesome'. I registered and created my first twitter account. So during the registration process, theres some number you have to send a text to to confirm your mobile number or something of the sort. I texted it twice and it bloody kulad my money!!! Kenya apparently is not one of the lucky countrys that can get sms alerts (or am i just not doing it right?)
Anyway i did not begin twitting till like a month later and i have to say, twitter is NOT USER FRIENDLY!!! I majored in IT, and the first basic rule when developing websites is that they should be user friendly.
What the hell is @, #, RT??? those were my first thoughts. When i join a social networking site, i freaking do not wanna read the help manual!! i just wanna learn how to use it by using it!!
I first thought that the tweets that appeared on someones profile were like their wall and all the @so$so's were peoples posts, i discovered that twit replies were on a different page all together after like a month of serious twitting!!
The coolest part about twitter is ofcourse the celebrities. I love searching for new celebrities to follow
and thats about it!! I hate the fact that these celebrities are always begging to be followed yet they do not have the decency to follow their fans back!
Just the other day i heard about Facebook lite being in the works. Its basically going to be facebook's version of twitter and im not looking forward to it.
Facebook still remains my first love, my one addiction that i wonder if il ever get tired of.

From Venus With Love

In my quest to try and understand the male species, I have done some reading, listened to peoples experiences, gossiped a bit ;) and experienced very little. I have now reached a point where I am just totally confused!! There are just so many contradictions that i just dunno anymore. Here is a bit of a run through.....
'He's just not that into you' which was written by the makers of sex and the city was a book I was really excited about the moment i heard about it. When i finally got my hands on it and read it, I was disappointed to say the least. I was left feeling dis-empowered and in fact far worse off than before i read the book! unfortunately, though I am an avid reader, my brain is like that of a computer, Garbage In, Garbage Out (GIGO). I do not remember every nitty gritty detail about the book, but I do remember the book had various scenarios which depicted whether a man was 'into you' or not. Like If a guy says he would call, and he doesn't then he is just not that into you. Or if your boyfriend goes on a trip and does not contact you the first chance he gets, then he is just not that into you. It had a lot of rubbish like that which I just did not agree with.
Now 'Why men don't listen and women cant read maps' is a far much better read. This book goes ahead to identify and explain the biological differences that define men and women and justify our behaviors and actions. I know many women really hate it when the man their with is busy drooling at other women right in front of them without any shame! Apparently men's vision focuses on one focal point (does that make any sense? lol) while women have wide vision, as a result men always get busted because they just stare openly as they focus on one thing, while we women are lucky enough to be able to stare without making it rather obvious. The book also goes on to explain the workings of the male and female brain, and how they differ etc. So this book basically just put my mind at ease because I got to understand myself as a women, and somehow I got a brief insight into the workings of men (I think i need to read this book again).
The most recent 'book' i read was called fascinating womanhood or something of the sort. Anyway the secrets to being a fascinating woman basically just involves accepting men the way they are, wholly and completely, while allowing them to take on their masculine role in the relationship, and taking on your female responsibilities as a woman. I found this particular read interesting because it had several real life scenarios which actually gives you hope that these 'secrets' may actually work.
Now that was just a brief play by play of what i've read. Now as for the lessons I have learnt from people's experiences, I think I have heard so many stories I cannot really sum it up so i'll just skip to my own personal experiences with men.
So how do you talk about your experiences without looking like your hating or bitching about the people who played a starring role in the movie that is your life??
Anyway despite everything, I am still so confused about men! I really wish one of you could fill me in on the goings on of your minds. (Im so sure that ain't grammatically correct lol)
For now I prefer just to stay on guard and assume that all men are just punks until they prove otherwise. I know that it may not be fair to just generalize but i have to look out for numero uno!
It is quite sad though that women now have such a bad reputation that we are now all categorized as skanks! I will not even pretend not to know why.
I think men just feel bad because women have emancipated themselves from that feminine role that was defined since time immemorial.
Women are now the ones chasing after men, they are okay with casual sex with no strings attached, they do not rely on men for anything, basically women are taking over the masculine role in today's world, and men are not very amused ha ha ha
Can I be categorized as one of these new breed of women? I dunno, I think I am still trying to find where my place is. I do not condone some of the things women are doing now, but I do admire their confidence and freedom.
The thing is, these women have made men even worse! They are now walking around believing that every woman is the scum of the earth, a gold digging bitch, who will take them for a ride and leave them with their hearts broken and run.
I know I am not that kind of woman, but apparently it is like stamped on my forehead and most men figure it out. So you would think I have enough suitors knocking on my door, but you would be surprised lol Someone told me I look like wife material, which I find weird because I never think about marriage. I always tell people I will get married when I am 38 and only because Im sick of all the pressure. I just find it strange because I have no idea what kind of wife I would be.
The sanctity of the covenant known as marriage has really been decayed especially by this generation. The rate of divorce and infidelity is just so high. I just wonder why the hell people bothered getting married if they knew they were incapable of remaining faithful to one person, for better for worse, and blah blah blah.
I still have that view that marriage should be forever and we all know that life ain't a fairy tale so that happily ever after nonsense does not exist so I think I would rather just avoid that whole marriage thing all together.
Remember the flick starring Mel Gibson 'What women want'? I wish i could know what the hell it is men want, or at least understand what goes on in their minds.