The dawn of a new era....

Just look at her, she looks so free, without a care in the world. Thats what I want for myself starting from today.
I'm done with worrying about stupid things like if he will get mad if I do not hola. Or wondering why he came back and never bothered to tell me but shiyet he was looking so fwyne!!
Yes I am taking a break from men. I do not need that drama, I prefer my life stress free thank you!! I thought having options was fun, but I think I bit off more than I could chew. The current situation is, one guy's girlfriend psycho stalker sent me a message telling me how she's not threatened by me who is she kidding?!. Anyway she should know she's only 'with him' because I've not even tried to get with him. I never will!

The other guy is not speaking to me what nerve!! I'm not talking to him either, he has really really disappointed me, but good thing is I really did not invest much in any of them. But thank God the quagmire is officially over!
I am really trying not to generalise, and categorise all men as punks, but it is really hard. Reading Pedestal Patty made me realise how it really isn't fair just judging men on the onset of meeting them without actually giving them a chance.
But right now I just do not feel like giving anyone a chance. I'm tired of searching for men to give chances to, I just want to focus on me. I want to go out just to have fun with my friends, not to attract men and get hit on or whatever.
I am tired of getting my hopes up, just for them to crush and burn. I'm sick of feeling obligated to do stuff, not because I honestly want to, but to avoid drama and feeling guilty.
I just want to be free. Free to dress badly when I go out, free to dance without some guy invading my personal space, free to plan my calendar the way I want without having to factor you in, free from hoping that I will here from you today, or that I will see you, free from trying to figure out corky, funny things to say to you. Puuhh I am done!
I just wanna continue living my life with no goals, without focusing on anything, just taking things one step at a time, with no obligations to anyone but myself, and of course my first love, my TV!
So here's to the next phase of my life! cheers!

xxx V xxx

hhhmmmmmmmm

Yesterday a million things were running around in my head that I needed to blog about, but now I'm almost blank almost.
Anyway these thoughts particularly weighed on my mind my grammar is going to the dogs fyi:
I met him, got to know him, and kinda started liking him. Then, communication was reduced to a minimum, and all the deal breakers I had noticed could no longer be ignored. + emotional men scare me. I thought he had also gotten bored just like me, but now all of u sudden, he's interested again i think telling me all these things, and I'm just shrugging them off kinda because I dunno if I can be more than his friend, and I do not wanna lead him on aaaarrggghhhh If this was happening like last week, before I knew what I know now, then I would have been more excited rather than panicky.
I met another him, cute, sweet, ambitious, and my over active imagination was already going ahead of itself and conjuring up a future for us I never do that usually. So he left the province, haven't seen him since August, got bored, and thats where I am at now, waiting to see what happens when he comes back. It's Wednesday now, i'm still not surprised. If he was giving me fake promises of pudding remember that facebook application called superlatives? I will not be amused at all, and will never take anything he says seriously.
So before I had no idea who I was leaning towards, now that I do, it doesn't seem so feasible bummer
I think some of these things I wish them on myself. It's easier when I am just dealing with my family and friends. These maneno for boys.....

Peep these shoes i stumbled upon on the net:

I would never in my right mind wear those. What happens if I need to take off my shoes when entering someone's house? I would have to walk around pantsless??

I think the jeans would look really cool if they weren't attached to sneakers.

xxx V xxx

The razzle dazzle has fizzled out.....

A time like this last month, i was in euphoria. I had met two gorgeous guys and i was being showered with attention and so many compliments, and I was excited because of all the numerous possibilities these men promised. I was also starting to be guilt ridden because I'm pessimistic so all I could do was predict complications.
Now I am happy to report I am feeling guilt free, but all the excitement has faded away, with a very slim chance of a possibility with just one of them. I no longer foresee any quagmires arising since one of the factors in the equation it seems, is not a factor anymore.

The activities of this past week has really made me evaluate myself. First up, I cannot hack long distance, I can only stay so long without having you here with me, it is just too hard. Secondly, I think I get bored really fast, without excitement I loose interest, and without interest is it really worth the effort? 

xxx V xxx

Fluu Shmuu Puuh

Since Monday my flu has just transcended from bad to worse, increased symptoms, and no sign of getting better. There must be a problem with my immune system for real, the whole natural healing thing doesn't seem to work on me. I have this terrible cough, a stuffed nose, paining sinuses, which has just brought on a lot of negativity.
My week has just been long and dreary, with lots of work, and nothing much to smile about. Right now I am trying to figure out what exactly is the real reason my week has sucked..
Fine i will just fess up, of course there is a man involved. I haven't really talked to him this week, even though i am itching to, but i am too proud, and i felt like i had been dismissed or something, i dunno. Anyway i hope he will hola soon, so that i can know if not talking to him is the reason why this week has sucked. I am hoping he is not the reason, because otherwise, houston we will have a problem.
This lack of communication just makes me wonder. After meeting up you would think things would become better not go backwards and become worse then when we met up.
At least this makes things easier for me, the quagmire is slowly diffusing if that makes any sense.. Now i can stop dreading September 20th and beyond since one of the complications is increasingly not becoming a factor in my life (unfortunately)
I have also come to realize long distance relationships are something i can't do. Okay i always knew i could not do it, but now i know for sure. No, i am not in a long distance relationship, but it is really hard to do anything with anyone who is miles away. Emails, calls, texts do not cut it. Video chats in my opinions would just even enhance your suffering because you can see them, talk to them, but you cannot touch them bleh! That sucks.
Does this post make any sense even?? Its this stupid flu arrgghhh, i am going to hospital today, this cannot continue....

xxx V xxx

A quagmire in the making....

Its just hit me that the last tym I was out on a date was in the year 2007!!!! Damn!! Its been a while!! I’m going on one today, and I’m so not prepared. I feel like shit and look like shit too!! But I’m gonna do this regardless.

I hate dates coz I am always a bundle of nerves. In fact I am like the cheapest date ever coz my stomach is usually in knots so I am never able to eat anything. I also hate the part when the paycheck has to be handled. I always feel like I have to chip in, coz I feel guilty if the guy takes care of it. I am just weird like that..

I am excited about it though, but I am trying to reduce so that I do not end up getting disappointed. I am hoping there will not be any weird moments of silence lol.

But I think that will not happen because there were none when I first met the guy. And there’s also the idea of having unexpected embarrassing moments like I accidentally shower on him or anything absurd like that.

Anyway fifteen more minutes and I have to go. The only way I can spruce up how I look is lip gloss ha ha ha how sad is that?!!

I had planned on posting this yesterday, but it brought me many sql errors and what not.

So the date went great! I was not nervous at all which makes me think I have really grown despite the lack of practice. We met at a coffee shop and had our coffee fix accompanied by some great conversation. I am glad to announce that there were no embarrassing moments or weird awkward moments so I had a great time. I did not even feel a thing when he paid the bill (maybe I should be a bit worried about that lol).

I am a very inquisitive person, so I tend to bombard people with questions especially when I am getting to know them or I’m nervous and have no idea what to say. I am starting to think I am some kind of truth serum for men coz I get to learn so much about them when we first meet. I find that very cool because it shows they feel they can be free with me.

Right now I have met two really awesome guys who I both like so far. They are both very interesting, sweet, and hot which is very strange because these things usually do not happen to me so I have no idea what’s going on but I am totally stoked about it.

I am still in the process of getting to know them both, but I am hoping things do not get complicated because I absolutely hate drama and I avoid it any chance I get. Right now I think I’ll just take things one step at a time and try not to get ahead of myself. But why lie I really like having options, and I have never felt more beautiful due to the nice things they always say.